guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
