my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
