omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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