what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
