Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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