Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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