So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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