Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
