I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
