im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
