Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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