Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
