There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
