Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
