She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize