guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
