i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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