Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
