I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
