Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
