Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
