Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
