I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
