I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
