sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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