My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize