all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
