like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
