dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
