Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
