i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
