this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
