like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
