a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
