You're my little dorito
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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