i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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