dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
PANTIES FOUND
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