once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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