How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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