every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
