She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ttyl tear gas
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
