tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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