sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
