Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
