It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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