We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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