where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
