so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
