I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize