Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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