Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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