I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
