U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
