I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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