He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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