Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
