Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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