on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
