explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
