i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
