OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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