We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
