I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
