So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
