New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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