Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize