Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
