cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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