A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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