we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
