I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
