Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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