Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
