she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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