they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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