I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
