tell your sister to shave her snatch
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
