Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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