do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
