Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
