guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
