he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
