You can't motorboat a personality
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
