so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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