Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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