who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
