Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
