Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
