I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
