I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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