let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
