I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you had me at cake vodka
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
FUCK WHALES
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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