I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
