i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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