Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
