I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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