I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
