not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
