when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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