i wish my penis had a tongue
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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