Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize