I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
