meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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